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Read the essay carefully first.
1 It was my liver that was out of order. I knew it was my liver that was out of order, because I
had just been reading a patent liver-pill circular, in which were detailed the various symptoms by
which a man could tell when his liver was out of order. I had them all.
2 It was a most extraordinary thing, but I never read a patent medicine advertisement without
being impelled to the conclusion that I am suffering from the particular disease therein dealt with
in its most virulent form. The diagnosis seems in every case to correspond exactly with all the
sensations that I have ever felt.
3 I remember going to the British Museum one day to read up the treatment for some slight
ailment of which I had a touch --- hay fever, I fancy it was. I got down the book, and read all I
came to read; and then, in an unthinking moment, I idly turned the leaves, and began to
indolently study diseases, generally. I forget which was the first distemper I plunged into ---
some fearful, devastating scourge, I know --- and, before I had glanced half down the list of
鈥減remonitory symptoms鈥�, it was borne in upon me that I had fairly got it.
4 I sat for a while, frozen with horror; and then, in the listlessness of despair, I again turned over
the pages. I came to typhoid fever --- read the symptoms --- discovered that I had typhoid fever,
must have had it for months without knowing it --- wondered what else I had got; turned up to St
Vitus鈥檚 Dance --- found, as I expected, that I had that too --- began to get interested in my case,
and determined to sift it to the bottom, and so started alphabetically --- read up ague (鐦х柧), and
learned that I was sickening for it, and that the acute stage would commence in about another
fortnight. Bright鈥檚 disease, I was relieved to find I had only in a modified form, and, so far as that
was concerned, I might live for years. Cholera I had, with severe complications; and diphtheria
(鐧藉枆鐧�) I seemed to have been born with. I plodded conscientiously through the 26 letters, and
the only malady I could conclude I had not gotwas housemaid鈥檚 knee.
5 I felt rather hurt about that at first, it seemed somehow to be a sort of slight. Why hadn鈥檛 I got
housemaid鈥檚 knee? Why this invidious reservation? After a while, however, less grasping
feelings prevailed. I reflected that I had every other known malady in the pharmacology, and I
grew less selfish, and determined to do without housemaid鈥檚 knee. Gout (鐥涢ⅷ) in its most
malignant stage, it would appear, had seized me without my being aware of it; and zymosis (鍌�
鏌撶梾) I had evidently been suffering with from boyhood. There were no more diseases after
zymosis, so I concluded there was nothing else the matter with me.
6 I sat and pondered. I thought what an interesting case I must be from a medical point of view,
what an acquisition I should be to a class! Students would have no need to 鈥� walk the
hospitals鈥�, if they had me. I was a hospital in myself. All they need do would be to walk round
me, after that, take their diploma.
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鏂囩珷鎼滅储
鎮ㄧ従(xi脿n)鍦ㄧ殑浣嶇疆锛� 
